Yurika Tsuda: A Long Journey Of Finding Myself And My Roots

How They Did it – Stories for Migrants by Migrants

I was born and raised in Japan. I have a Japanese father and a Filipino mother, and have Japanese citizenship. Even as a small child, I knew that I was “different.” People glanced at me whenever I was with my mother, who definitely looked and talked like a “gaijin.” At school, I had the brownest skin and other kids curiously looked at my strange obento (lunch box). Gradually, I developed a strong inferiority complex because of my “alien” background. An obsessive thought was formed within me that being “unordinary” or “special” was not something one could say out loud.

When I was 11 years old, my family and I moved to Boston where we met people with a variety of physical appearances, races, religions, languages and cultures. Among the classmates there were very few Asians, a lot of Americans and Europeans, some Africans and Latin Americans. I was surprised at how people being so proud to be different and unique. They were able to freely discuss their countries of origin, and not a single person was ashamed of speaking out.

I went back to Japan to study at the age 15 at a senior high school. By then, having lived abroad, I was no longer uncomfortable at being “special” as I discovered that people were actually envious of how I spoke good English and had cool fashion.

At the end of my freshman year, a new program was offered with a full scholarship to study for a year in the Philippines. I declined to apply at first. I was already contented with my life in Japan. But at the last minute I changed my mind because my father wanted me to experience the culture that he had acquired and come to love. I decided to grab the opportunity to live with a Filipino host family in Manila and study at a local high school. It took a lot of time, effort and motivation on my part to learn a “new” culture. But as I enjoyed the Filipino way of life, I felt I was regaining another part of my self that had somehow lost in my life of wanting to be a “typical” Japanese.

I went back to Japan and entered a university in Tokyo. I started to engage in volunteer activity with Filipino-Japanese/ Japanese-Filipino youth like myself. I met those who came from “ordinary” families, but some others had separated or divorced parents, or single mother. Some youth had psychological problems, such as being abused, bullied, were in truancy, have or had mental disorder or misconduct. Being with them made me realize that there are huge borders for “foreigners,” not only the parents but also their children, to truly become a member of and to be appreciated in Japanese society. For example, since most Filipino migrants in Japan are women, the stereotyped and negative image as entertainer remains strong in the minds of Japanese people. Discrimination is quite widespread that many Filipino-Japanese children (and/or even adults) want to hide their ethnicity or roots.

I must say, Japan is not an easy place to live in, either from the perspective of soto (outsider or foreigner) or uchi (insider or “native” Japanese). Yet, a girl from Japan, like me, who looked like “Japanese” was warmly accepted by the peoples in the Philippines. I continue to hope in the future, Japan could also be more open and friendly place to live. There are today many groups and individuals in Japan who will genuinely give you a helping hand when you face difficulties. Try to connect with them and you will surely find Japan a more comfortable place to live in.

It has been a long journey to be able to say it out loud that I am proud to be both Filipino as well as Japanese. Your journey may also be a lifetime but I trust that it will be full of experiences that make you understand more about and become proud of yourself.

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