Malou Okuyama: A Mother’s Stories

How They Did it – Stories for Migrants by Migrants

Early Childhood Education: When my daughter turned two, we had some difficulty deciding where to enroll her because there were many options. From experience, I think a major factor was that my inability (at that time) to speak Japanese. After attending several activities to observe, we chose to enroll her at a private kindergarten or youchien.  On the entrance examination day, I was also interviewed by the teachers and I could still remember how nervous I was, possibly even more than my daughter.  It was a great joy for me whenever she would come home from class, happily telling stories about what she had learned be they nursery rhymes, songs, doing origami, making clay crafts, and others.  Her days there helped a lot in readying her for primary or elementary school.  It was during this time that I first realized how the four seasons played an integral part on the lives of the Japanese.  By the time my daughter had completed her three years of preschool, I had mastered how to make obento that were both delicious and kawai. I had even acquired the skills to make the simple pouches or handbags required when later she went to elementary school.

Elementary School: Just like in any household, when our eldest child started elementary school my husband and I enthusiastically prepared for it and hoped for the very best. At the entrance ceremony, our daughter received some awkward stares both from some of her classmates and even their parents. Later on, she learned from her teacher that her appearance and her name made her stand out in the school. We had registered our children’s names by giving them both Japanese and Christian names, followed by their middle name and finally, their surname to instill in them a sense of their bicultural heritage.

My daughter really enjoyed going to school and was making friends with most everybody very easily, but one afternoon, while playing at a nearby park, a boy who happened to go to the same school and also lived in our neighborhood called her gaijin in front of me.  I was appalled but decided not to let it show. Instead, I asked him to stop calling her that because that was not her name and if he did not know what it was, then I would be happy to tell him. I did, anyway, with the gentle admonition that everyone had the right to be addressed properly as a sign of respect.  Later on, I had the opportunity to become better acquainted with his mother and learned that far from being a bully, her son just wanted to talk to my daughter to befriend her but perhaps just had no idea how to go about it.

This incident helped me realize the importance of my presence as a mother even in school. In those days, my husband was busy and could not attend PTA meetings so I had no reason but to go by myself, his words ringing in my mind that I could handle it better than him. My attending PTA meetings marked the start of my involvement not only with my children’s education but also with the community. It helped me improve my language skills and helped deepen my understanding of the society in which I lived.

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